


The Mountain

by melianthegreat



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Angst, Danger, M/M, Rescue Missions, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-05-05 16:42:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5382767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melianthegreat/pseuds/melianthegreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Richard volunteers to be stranded on top of a mountain for a TG challenge, things go horribly wrong. Can James and co. reach him in time? Based on the Season 22 Rescue Challenge</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by Wildes' brilliant story 'Night Call' for this timeline and relationship. It will take awhile to post, but be patient.

James was desperate. 

Desperate, hell, he was nearly in a blind panic. How could everything have gone so badly wrong? He wondered. He was pushing his truck to its limit—working the tires, the engine, the transmission, the drive shaft—trying to plow through the snow. He needed to get to the top of the mountain, and he needed to get there fast. 

Nobody had heard from Richard Hammond in days, not since the blizzard had moved in. And then another blizzard moved in right after. This on top of the days he’d already spent on top of the mountain for the show. James had never liked this idea from the beginning and hadn’t been shy about expressing his opinion on it. He’d felt too many things could go wrong. And now, trying to get this truck to the top, James knew things had gone about as wrong as they could possibly go. 

The truck crested the hill, and James stopped and got out. The sitting area that Richard had made with tree boughs was almost buried in snow. There was no sign of the campfire, and no indication a new one had been built. James looked about wildly—where the hell was the tent? Out of the corner of his eye he caught a flash of yellow. It was the top of the tent, the rest buried in the snowdrift. “Oh fuck!” James shouted, running over, clawing the snow with his hands. “Hammond! Hammond!” he called as he dug furiously. “Answer me, Richard.” As he continued to clear the snow and there was no answer from inside the tent he began to pray: “Dear Lord, please let me find him alive, please don’t take him away…”

He dug until his hands, even in polar gloves, began to freeze, but he finally cleared away enough snow to open the tent flap. But what he found inside was Richard, eyes open, skin devoid of color, quite dead. “Oh no,” James whispered. “Oh God….Richard no!” 

“No!” James shouted as he sat upright in bed. He ran a shaky hand over his face and tried to calm himself. 

“James?” Richard whispered next to him. “Are you alright, mate?”

James sighed. “Yeah,” he answered. “Just a dream.” 

“Didn’t sound like a good one,” Richard said gently as he reached up and stroked his back in comfort. Do you want to talk about it?”

James looked over and gave him a half-smile in reassurance. “Not really,” he answered as he lay back down.

“Well then, come here,” Richard replied softly. “I’ll hold you.” 

James snuggled close as Richard ran his hands through James’ wavy hair and kissed his nose. “My dear, sweet old man,” Richard whispered. “No more bad dreams, okay?” James nodded slowly as Richard draped his arm over him and fell back asleep, feeling warm and safe. 

***

 

James had gotten used to worrying about Richard, to the point of nightmares. 

It had all started back in 2006, with what everyone called ‘the accident’, the one that nearly killed Richard. James had spent years not sleeping well, plagued by mostly-forgotten nightmares, sometimes having to convince himself in the dark that Richard had survived his crash. And when James wasn’t dreaming about that, he was racked with worry over Richard on the show. At times it would freak James out to watch Richard, ever the adrenaline junkie, race at top speed around a track, or deliberately run into obstacles. 

It had come to an end after James and Richard finally got together. Richard had become ill with pneumonia, forcing a sudden rush to hospital , and it forced James to confront all his feelings of suppressed guilt and anxiety from years before. The nightmares had stopped their regular appearance from then, but every so often one would pop up, usually triggered by some other stress. All it would take was Richard talking through it with him, then Richard would simply hold him close until he fell asleep again. 

 

“So, are you ready to tell me what your dream was about?” Richard asked over breakfast the next morning. 

James sighed heavily. “About this stupid challenge with the rescue.” 

Richard took a quick swallow of his tea. “Oh come on, that’s not so stupid,” he argued. “Breitling claims it really works. It’s going to be alright, I swear.”

“There are just too many unexpected things that can go wrong,” James grumbled. “Hammond, I really wish you’d go with me and let me volunteer to be the guinea pig on this.”

Richard took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “James, we’ve been over this,” he answered calmly. “Out of the three of us, I am the one most fit to handle being the guinea pig. Jezza could never handle it, and I’ve seen you nearly freeze to death in the frozen food aisle at Tesco’s.” He took James’ hands into his. “I’m not going to take any unnecessary risks,” he said. I may be a masochist and an adrenaline junkie, but I’m not suicidal. You know that. I have plenty of things to live for. And what we have going here just gives me more incentive to not be stupid.” Richard stood and put his arms around the still-sitting James, stroking his hair. James wrapped his arms around the small of Richard’s back and gently pulled him closer. Richard closed his eyes and enjoyed the simple pleasure of the hug. “I promise you,” he whispered, “I will be careful and come home to a lot more of this.”

James looked up into Richard’s eyes; sometimes it still shocked Richard to see how intensely blue James’ eyes were up close. “I know. I’m just being silly,” he answered. “But I love you. And I want us to be with each other like this, not me hovering over you in intensive care.” 

The expression in Richard’s eyes turned thoughtful and sad. As much as he could try and reassure everyone he loved over their insecurities, there would always be a tiny part of their existence that would always remember the accident and the aftermath. There was no point in getting angry. And it wasn’t just James, it was literally everyone—from everyone at Top Gear to his parents, his brothers, his ex-wife Mindy, his daughters, friends and fans alike. It would always be there, lurking. It would always be in perspective to everything else, but something would eventually come up to take them back to it. The knowledge of the unspoken event was a definite mood-killer. “We need to get going,” Richard finally replied. “It’s rehearsal day.” He left the kitchen.

***

 

At lunch, Jeremy decided he couldn’t deal with the tension anymore and tried to nip it in the bud. He waited for James to sit down and walked over to his table, sitting next to him. “Out with it, May,” he murmured, trying to keep his voice low. “Don’t tell me you and Hammond are fighting again? Because if you are…”

James responded by chuckling slightly. “Actually no, not really,” he said. “It’s just a disagreement.”

“Must be a pretty good one to have Hammond walking around in a snit all morning,” Jeremy countered. 

James sighed and shook his head. “I just said the wrong thing,” he answered. James knew Jeremy would keep up until he got all the information anyway, so he continued. “We were having a good moment at breakfast and I said I wanted us to be together in times like that, not in intensive care.” 

“Jesus Christ, you didn’t start in about the rescue challenge again, did you?” Jeremy asked, exasperated. Ever since this idea had been proposed, James had complained about it. No matter what Andy did to reassure James that everything had been thought of in terms of Hammond’s safety, he had persisted with stating his objections. Jeremy and Andy both knew James was only doing it out of fear. But still, it was annoying.

“Yeah, I did,” James answered, crossing his arms. And afterward I tried to apologize, but he’s having none of it.” 

“Maybe he’s not angry after all,” Jeremy conceded. “You know his temper. It’s apocalyptic. And once he gets it out it’s done. This is the Midget being upset.”

James thought a moment, then nodded. “I’m going to go find Hammond,” he said as he stood up.

“Good idea,” Jeremy replied. “But, if you do work it out and you two want to make up, please wait until you get home. I have to exist here too.”

James found Richard in the presenters’ room lying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “Hello James,” Richard said, not moving. He sounded dejected. 

James sat in one of the chairs. “What’s wrong?” he asked gently. 

Richard continued to stare at the ceiling. It’s been eight years. And this morning reminded me no matter what I do, no matter how much time passes, no matter _how fucking careful_ I am…to the people I love I will always be stuck in that hospital. Everyone waits for me to sprain my wrist or get an ingrown toenail and then I have to spend the next 6 months apologizing all over again. I can’t keep doing that.” He sat up and looked at James. “I’m doing the rescue challenge. Either you trust me to do what I must to stay as safe as possible or you don’t. And if you don’t trust me on that, it says you don’t trust me, period.”

James’ eyes flashed with anger. “Trust?” he replied, his voice dark and dangerous. “When have I questioned whether I should trust you in our relationship? Or are you suggesting that I should question it? You know what? Don’t answer that. You were the one who suggested that I should tell you about my nightmares if I have them. Since I’ve done that I don’t have them often anymore. But if it’s becoming too much of a burden for you to bear, I’ll stop. And at least until this challenge is over I’ll sleep in the guest bedroom. That way if I have any more nightmares about you, you don’t have to hear about it and pretend to give a shit.”

There was silence between them for a moment. “Of course I don’t want that, James,” Richard said softly. “All I want is for everyone to stop treating me like I’m made of glass and to understand I do have an ounce of fucking sense.” He leaned back and shut his eyes. “I’m just so sick and tired of fighting everyone on this. I feel like I should just quit the show and have myself encased in bubble wrap.”

James sat on the couch next to Richard, who leaned over and placed his head on James’ shoulder. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” James said to him. “What can I do to help?”

Richard sighed. “Just trust me,” he said simply. “I know you’re worried, but just trust me.” James’ response was to kiss the side of Richard’s head. 

The door opened and Jeremy walked in, covering his eyes. “Neither one of you be naked in here,” he pleaded. 

“It’s safe,” Richard chuckled. “You can look.” 

James looked slyly at Richard. “Though that does give us an idea,” he interjected. “We should do a naked photo shoot right here. It’s the perfect location.” 

“Oh, that’s perfect!” Richard announced. “Though, to make the picture worth more, we should have a threesome. How about it, Jezza?” Before Jeremy could recover from his shock to respond, Richard and James started laughing.” 

“That’s not funny,” Jeremy grumbled, which made James and Richard laugh harder. “No, seriously, that’s not funny…”

***

The rest of the day rehearsals went pretty much as expected, and while Richard was quiet and a bit subdued, at least he wasn’t being testy as he had that morning. 

When they returned to James’ house that evening, both were feeling a little tired. “Want me to put the kettle on?” Richard asked. 

“No, thanks,” James answered. “I think I’m just going to lock up and go to bed.” There was a pause. “You know what I said earlier, about sleeping in separate bedrooms?”

“Yeah?” Richard answered softly.

“I’d rather be with you,” James replied, his blue eyes large and serious. “If you don’t mind.” 

Richard smiled at James. “You are a very silly old man,” he said, his voice full of affection. Richard reached up with one arm and put his hand on the back of James’ head, pulling him down for a soft, sweet kiss. “I’ll grab some water and meet you upstairs.”

James took time to make sure all the doors and windows were properly locked. Hammersmith wasn’t considered a high-crime area, but there was the occasional home burglary to contend with, and a break-in at his house, with Richard living here with him, would create juicy tabloid fodder. Finished, he took the stairs two at a time. 

He found Richard covered halfway with a sheet, but James could tell he was completely naked underneath. James couldn’t help but admire Richard’s body. At 45 Richard looked pretty much as he did at 40. He was slightly heavier and there were a few more lines in his face that seemed to add character. But Richard clearly worked to stay fit and was deceptively strong. AT times James questioned why someone as handsome, who seemingly held onto the bloom of youth, could ever see anything in the likes of him. 

“I could hear you thinking down the hall,” Richard teased, giving James a lopsided grin. “Why don’t you turn off your brain, get out of those clothes, and lay next to me?”

Once naked James lay with Richard, facing each other. Richard stroking the side of James’ face with is fingertips. James closed his eyes and gave himself to the sensation. “What are you feeling right now?” Richard whispered tenderly.

James grinned, his eyes closed and sighed deeply. “I’m lucky that I had you fall in love with me,” he whispered to Richard. He opened his eyes and stared into Richard’s eyes, so large and brown his face serious and intent. “I don’t want to wrap you up in bubble wrap and change who you are.”

“Well, I don’t know,” Richard grinned slightly. “Now that I think about it, bubble wrap sounds a little kinky.” Before James could respond, Richard gave him a long kiss. James cupped the back of Richard’s head in his hand and pulled him closer. “I’m lucky that you were willing to wait for me,” Richard whispered back to James. “I was so messed up and confused for so long about everything. And then I thought when my chance had come, you didn’t want me after all.” He sighed with contentment. “If my choice was to stop what I’m doing or to lose you, I’d quit for you.”

James smiled. “We’re getting cheesy, you know.” He started to laugh.

Richard laughed along with him. He reached down and felt James’ erection. “I think someone likes cheesy,” he teased, arching an eyebrow, and grinned wickedly when he felt James tremble. 

James reciprocated, feeling Richard’s hard-on as Richard gasped involuntarily. “Apparently cheesy suits you too,” he teased back. James continued to stroke Richard, watching his eyes flutter closed and listening to the soft moans he made that succeeded in turning James on. 

Meanwhile, Richard was trying to do the same for James, but what James was doing was making Richard too far gone to get into any sort of rhythm. So while he was pumping Richard, James took his other hand and placed it over Richard’s hand on his own cock, guiding him. “Oh, there we go,” James panted. “Oh shit, yeah, like that…”

Richard’s moans became loud, his breathing more ragged, and James could tell he was close. When Richard came, his body went taut, there was a shaky moan and then he shuddered. James kissed him gently and whispered calm words until Richard came back to his senses. With Richard’s help James came a few minutes later, his climax so strong he remembered nothing for a moment until he felt Richard running his hand through his hair and heard him gently whispering, “Wake up, James…come on…wake up.” James opened his eyes to see Richard staring down at him. “Welcome back,” he smiled. 

James blinked. “Wow,” he managed to say, “that was intense.”

“Drink some water,” Richard offered, holding a bottle of water and letting James take a few sips. “You went out on me for a minute. How are you feeling?”

“Perfect,” he answered. “Consider what happened a compliment, it was that powerful.”

“Are you sure?” Richard was smiling, but James could see a little hint of worry in his face.

James pulled Richard down for a kiss. “Quite,” he answered. “But we both need to shower. Then we’ll sleep.”

Normally, James and Richard would shower separately, one upstairs, the other downstairs—the height difference and the small space tended to make showering together a bit awkward. But this time Richard insisted on the shower ensuite, together, in case James got lightheaded. James tried to argue, but Richard set his jaw firmly and gave James a look that said there was no point in trying to change his mind. 

This shower turned out to be less awkward than normal. James washed Richard’s hair while Richard washed James’ front then they took turns washing backs. Once dried they settled back in bed together and turned out the light. 

Richard leaned over and kissed James quickly on the lips. “I love you, James,” he whispered. 

James could feel sleep coming up on him quickly. “Love you, Richard,” he murmured.


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks later, James and Jeremy were sitting in a restaurant in London when the distress signal on Richard's watch went off. On the laptop the coordinates showed Richard was in the Canadian Rockies in British Columbia. Jeremy and James talked about the need to fly to Canada to rescue Richard, then casually talked abouat looking at the dessert menu. As soon as "cut!" was called and the camera crew left, James stared a long moment out the window.

"Well," said Jeremy, "at least we know where in Canada he is. And we know the watch is working." The full details were known only to Andy. Jeremy and James knew Richard would be somewhere in the Canadian wilderness. And they knew they would be using luxury-modified pickup trucks to launch a rescue. Unbeknownst to Richard, Andy had told both his mates that--for laughs--they were suppsed to take as much time as possible to get to him. If something ended up going wrong, an actual rescue unit would be dispatched to pick up Hammond and the crew.

Jeremy had noticed James had gone off into his own world staring out the window. He placed his hand on James' forearm and shook him gently. "Hammond's going to be okay. He's done the training and he's strong."

"I've gone weeks without speaking to him before," James replied sheepishly. "He's been away for one week, Jezza, and this time it fels endless."

Jeremy nodded. "It can be that way sometimes," he said. "You know on some oF our longer road trips, I'm not taking cold showers because the hot water's not working."

"Oh God Clarkson, really!" James squawked. "I just ate!" Jeremy roared.

Later that night, after filming a segment where James and Jeremy booked a flight to Vancouver, james tried to make an early night of things. Instead he was lying in bed unable to sleep. He couldn't help but replay a conversation he'd had with Richard a few days before he left for training for the challenge.

 _"I don't understand what the big deal is, Hammond,"_ James had said. _"You know I have always been very private about my private life. As much as I love you, I'm not ready to change that."_

 _"But things are better than even a few years ago,"_ Richard had argued, _"at least that's what I've been reading. The public is much more accepting of someone being gay. And we've always made references to it on the show, just about every week for years."_

 _" Yes, but we have plenty of viewers who cling to the idea that is a joke,"_ James fired back. _"If I come out to the public, that stops being funny to them and it becomes reality. And not everyone is so accepting. The second I come out, there will be some group instantly petitioning to have me fired from the BBC because my presence corrupts the morals of children. And that would be from the enlightened end of that scale. It's just as likely someone would blame me for turning their kid gay and sit in a dark alley in wait to beat me up or worse. That's assuming I'm alone and they don't come after you, too."_

Richard had sighed at that point. _"James, I love you,"_ he'd said softly. _"I love us and I'm not asamed of us. I know you're not ashamed of us, either. So why should we hide the fact we're not only mates but MATES?"_

James had shaken his head and went to the kitchen to handle the kettle. _"Rich, coming out is a gradual process. You're supposed to tell those closest to you before you take on the world. Have you even told your parents the real reason you and Mindy divorced? What about Izzy and Willow? Do they still believe you and I are roommates and you sleep in the guest room? Do they even understand you and Mindy are never geting remarried? You have to consider them, too. Once the news was out we wouldn't be the only ones getting bombarded on all sides."_ At that point James could see Richard was becoming frustrated, so he walked over and rested his arms on Richard's shoulders. _"The challenge will give us both time to think about things,"_ he said gently. _"When you get back, if you really thought carefully about it and you are as determined as you are right now, we'll start to figure out how to make it work. Is that okay?"_

Richard had agreed that was fair, but while he'd conceded, James could tell he was unhappy. For the next few days they didn't bring up the subject again, but James felt it hanging in the air between them. Then Richard left for the training and that made James feel sad. He thought he'd come up with an excellent compromise on the subject. Instead Richard left disappointed. They hadn't spoken since.

At some point James managed to fall asleep. He found himself on foot in the snow, a vast expanse of white. He kept calling out for Richard. James awoke as his alarm clock blared, shivering with cold as if he'd been out in the snow for hours, then ealized he'd kicked the bedcover off himself while asleep. But tahe cloud in his mind was about Richard.He was very far away, marooned on top of a mountain. "Please let him be okay," James prayed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Here's a gift.

Richard was cold.

It was December, so he knew it would be cold. His training the past few days had been about survival in winter weather, so he knew it would be cold. But he didn't quite this level of cold.

As soon as the helicopter deposited Richard, his 3-man film crew, and their gear on top of the mountain, they'd worked quickly to get the tents set up. Then Richard pulled the pins on the watch. The distress signal would last 24 hours, plenty of time to get a lock on his location and have James and Jeremy come riding to the rescue. Surely they were already in Canada, too. All they needed to know was where to find him.

It was now drawing on toward night and the temperature was dropping. Richard couldn't get a fire going, so he'd been forced to eat half-frozen beans, which he founnd disgusting, but he ate them anyway to keep up his strength in the cold. It was miserable the crew retired to their tent and Richard retired to his, taking a handheld camera with a night vision lens with him. The cold didn't allow for much sleep, however, and the sound of wolves was enough to freeze the blood anyway.

Between fits of sleep Richard's memory returned to the weekend before leaving for Canada. He'd spent time in Ross-on-Wye with Mindy, Izzy, and Willow. In spite of the divorce Richard and Mindy remained close for the sake of their daughters. James was well-aware of this and heartily approved--he'd grown up with friends whose parents divorced and forced the kids inRo the war zone, sometimes lasting for years, and James had seen how much it messd them up. Mindy had been nothing but kind to James for years, well beafore the accident and beyond, and still tried to be that way with him. Richad knew that couldn't have been easy for Mindy sometimes. 

Richard had sat in the kitchen with Mindy after the girls had gone to bed while Mindy put the kettle on. _"So what is James saying about all this?"_ she'd asked.

 _"He says I should think it over while I'm in Canada and if I feel the same way when I get back, we'd come up with a plan,"_ he'd answered. 

_"I think that's sensible,"_ Mindy had replied. _"Richard, this isn't something you should go on Graham Norton and blurt out. Though Graham might relate,"_ she added wryly and caused Richard to chuckle. _"There would be a lot for you to do before you were ready for that."_ At that point she'd taken a sip of her tea and deccided to change the subject. _"So how has James been with the nightmares?"_

Richard had sighed in exasperation. _"I don't get it,"_ he'd answered. _"When I got sick and endd up in hospital, James told me the nightmares were gone. But there's something about this nw challenge that seems to have brought them back. He says these are different dreams, but I think the old nightmares have simply come back in a new way."_

Mindy had been silent for a moment. _"Rich, are you sure this challenge is safe?"_ she'd finally asked. _"I know you wouldt risk yourself without having precautions, but if James is so worried maybe everuone needs to look things over again."_

 _"Mind, if I thought even for a moment not every precaution had been taken, I wouldn't do this. I think I have proven that time and again since the accident. Things could happen if I'm camping in the Lake District in July. Normally I'd be like you and say if James is worried I should be worried, but he's had nightmares for years and I've been fine."_ He'd noticed Mindy wasn't looking convinced. He'd reached over and had taken her hand. _"I will be back in time for Christmas. I will not fail our girls."_ Mindy had given richard a hug, wished him goodnight, and went upstairs.

Right now Richad wished he could get more than a few minutes sleep at a time. Maybe he wouldn't feel so cold.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is taking so long. I've broken my tablet and now only have any access via the public library. I promise though I will eventually get this entire story posted for you.

On the flight from London to Vancouver, James and Jeremy had been given special notes on the trucks that would be waiting for them when they landed. Not only did they have info on what their trucks were equipped with, but trivia. 

"Holy shit..." Jeremy muttered. "I know pickup trucks seem to appeal to colonists, but they sell one of these every _35 seconds?_ "

"Mine sounds like a sales disaster compared to yours," James replied. "They only sell mine once a minute."

"This is the time I wish Hammond was here," Jeremy sighed. "He would actually be able to explain to viewers why these trucks are so popular. _One every 35 seconds?!_ " Jeremy pulled off his glasses and looked at James for awhile. "You're missing him terribly, aren't you?"

"Worse than yesterday," James answered. "Brummie yobbo. And I'm starting to sound like a 13-year-old girl over it."

Jeremy shrugged. "You'll just have to plan a nice welcome home for him," he said to James. "As worried as you've been over him, plan a very nice one."

"Is that what Francie does when we get back from our epics?" James asked. 

"Usually, depends on how bad I'd fucked up before leaving. But we have three kids. You do the math." Both of them laughed. "Look, you and I both know I am not the poster boy for proper behavior in all things. In fact if I manage to not get myself fired before the end of this series of Top Gear I'll consider it a miracle. with the noose they have swinging over me. But if I still have any authority to offer advice I'd say this: what you and Hammond have going right now is a good thing to see. Neither of you do anything to fuck it up, okay?"

James took a nap during the flight and dreamt Richard met him at Vancouver Airport, running up and holding him close. Crowds of people were in the terminal, yet they ignored Richard and James completely. The only one in the dream who took notice of them was Jeremy, who rolled his eyes and found something interesting with his luggage.

Once they landed at Vancouver, Jeremy and James took awhile getting out of the terminal, between Customs and fans who recognized them. On the way to the parking deck, where their trucks were waiting, Andy called Jeremy with an update--Richard was doing well, in terms of not in need of immediate rescue, and suggested Jeremy and James spend the night in Vancouver. They filmed their segment discussing finding their trucks and deciding to delay leaving for one night. After his dream on the plane, James felt relaxed enough to play along. After all everything was well.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all fun and games until someone gets stranded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny what I listen to when I'm posting. ELO's 'From the Sun to the World' has always had a cold, snowy image in my head, I don't know why because the song has nothing to do with snow.

"Where are they?! Just _where?!_

Richard was really losing it. And they film crew were trying their hardest to hold the camera steady through bouts of giggles. What Richard thought was going to be a 24-hour rescue had now been dragging on for days. He didn't know why, all he knew was that Jeremy and James were taking their sweet time coming to get him. What Richard knew was he was cold, it was becoming too cold at night to sleep, he was hungry, and the things he had to do for basic survival was more involved than he believed and he wasn't very good at it. 

What the crew saw and reported back to Andy was they were getting gold on camera. From the beginning of his time on the show Richard had a reputation for his temper. "Angry Little Brummie" was the term often tossed around among the cast and crew. But much of the bluster was dissipated quickly. Once the venting happened he was pretty much done with it. But there were times, when he got angry enough, that he'd reach the level of temper James liked to describe as "apocalyptic". James, Jeremy, Andy and few others had ever encountered him when he was that angry. The crew had rarely experienced it in full play--Richard was professional enough to try and not make them the target. But now Richard was throwing things around camp in frustration and the camera crew shot from a safe distance. 

Meanwhile, Jeremy and James were unexpectedly enjoying their trucks on the way to rescue their friend. If they had been previously at a loss to explain the appeal among North Americans of them, both had begun to wonder why pickup trucks had little appeal in England. They were enjoying stopping for a nice hearty breakfast and retail stores for hats and ice scrapers. James was even forgetting his initial misgivings for the challenge. It was clear Andy was getting reports from the crew, and it appeared things were going smoothly. !0 miles from Richard, James and Jeremy stopped at a hotel. They'd driven for hours in a snowstorm and both ere tired and hungry. Over dinner that night, they discussed their plan for the next day, which was to get their trucks up the mountain. But with a growing terror they realized something--that if Richard had been under the impression they'd been in Canada the entire time and they had taken so much time to reach him, he may be less than pleasant company on the return trip. Seeing a potential 'nuclear scenario' looming, Jeremy and James resolved to come up with an idea in the morning and went to their rooms. 

For the cameras the next morning, they made the decision that whoever lost the race up the mountain would be forced to have Richard in the truck for the return trip to Vancouver, a trip that would take about 400 miles. Secretly. James was hoping to lose the race. While having the Angry Little Brummie in full-meltdown was less than ideal, James figured once Richard started to feel the truck's heating it would calm him a bit. Then after driving awhile he intended to find a hotel with room service so Richard could have hot food and a hot shower, and a nice soft bed to curl up in and sleep. And hopefully Richard would be so much less angry James might be welcome to spend the night holding him close. 

"Just how pissed off do you think Hamster will be when he sees us?" Jeremy asked James as they left the hotel lobby and headed for their trucks. 

"I'm not sure it can be measured with existing technology, Jezza," James answered. 

"I was afraid of that," Jeremy laughed. "Just so you know, I intend to make sure I win. You can deal with him." 

"I intend to," James muttered with a grin.

***

 

"I peed in a bottle in my tent last night and it felt _dirty!_ " Richard was screaming on top of the mountain. When he'd started this challenge, Richard had thought of it as an adventure. Then it became a struggle, then a trial. Now he as over it and wanted to be done. He missed being warm, he missed not scrounging for food and firewood, and he missed James. In fact he missed James so much it hurt inside, and it surprised him. All the years Richard had been associates with James, then friends, sexual partners, ex-sexual partners, and finally lovers, and he had never missed James as much as he did right then. Richard knew he was deeply in love with him, but this kind of pain was the kind where he knew in his soul he wanted to be with James May the rest of his life. 

Awhile later he heard a roaring sound coming up the side of the mountain. It was definitely the roar of a motor in a modern pickup truck. For a second his heart leapt--the rescue had come, he was getting off this damned mountain, and he would be warm and have food to eat. And then a new wave of anger and exasperation hit him. He'd been stuck up on this mountain for four days, when he'd been assured a rescue would happen with 24-36 hours. Instead, he'd been left up on the mountain in the cold with almost no food just to see him suffer. 

The truck came into view--it was Jeremy. But then Richard could see the truck had a broken wheel and his heart sank. Jeremy got out of the truck to see Richard glowering at him. "How in the hell are you supposed to rescue me in a truck with a fucked-up wheel?" he spluttered at Jeremy. 

"This truck sacrificed its wheel to save you, Hammond," Jeremy answered proudly. "And I'm not the one who's supposed to rescue you. Since I got up here first, James has to being you off the mountain." 

Richard sighed. "So how far behind you is James?"

Jeremy looked sheepish. "There's a bit of a problem," he answered. "James broke the drive shaft on his truck and he's waiting for a tow back down."

"And what does that mean?"

"It means we'll have to sit and wait for them to come tow us as well."

A couple of hours later the rescue truck arrived. But as soon as the driver exited the car Jeremy and Richard knew there was a problem. It turned out to be a big problem--there was not enough room for everyone, so one person would have to be left behind. 

"It's just a couple of hours, right?" Jeremy asked. "if that's the case I'll stay until the truck comes back. No problem."

"There is a problem," the driver a Corporal Taylor, replied. "Mountain Rescue just received word of a strong system moving in, unexpectedly fast. There is no guarantee I can get down the mountain and back before the storm comes in."

"But still, we're talking maybe overnight," Jeremy argued. "I can stay, wait out the storm, I'll see you tomorrow."

Corporal Taylor shook his head. "Even if the storm blows over quickly, this mountain tends to fog over badly. It would take a day or so for the visibility to improve enough to attempt a return. Whoever stays should have experience camping. 

"I guess that would be me," Richard raised his hand. 

"Hammond, no," Jeremy argued. "You've already been here four days."

"Yes," Richard agreed. "But I'm the only one here with any survival training in this weather. I can't make any of the crew stay, I couldn't live with it if something happened."

"There are plenty of people down there who couldn't live with it if something happens to _you_ , you short arse!" Jeremy shouted at him. "Corporal Taylor, could you stay?"

Before Corporal Taylor could take a breath, Richard stepped in. "The truck has to be towed," he said. This is not the time for us to film a challenge where we learn to tow for the first time. Now you guys have to go or we'll have a bunch of us stuck up here, and Jezza, I'm not sharing my sleeping bag with you." 

Jeremy stood a moment, trying to come up with a new argument. Finally he just shook his head. "I hate this," he muttered. "I hate this, I hate this, I fucking hate this." he stared at Richard and Richard knew how upset Jeremy was that he couldn't fix things; Clarkson could be a complete asshole from time to time, but such was his dedication to his best mates he'd jump in front of a car for them, and everyone knew it. "You better be okay after this, Hammond, or I'll kick your ass." he said. 

The camera crew, who had been loading their equipment, unloaded their camping gear and gave it to Richard, hoping he couldn't have to use it but having it just in case. Corporal Taylor handed Richard a gym bag. "Here are a few supplies you might need," he said. "There are some rations, fire-making materials, a flashlight, and a small shovel for digging. Make sure you keep your tent flap unblocked. The last thing you want is to get yourself trapped in your tent. There is also a radio. We will check in on you and give you updates." He paused. "Mr. Hammond, I know the commander who trained you for this, he said. "You may wonder if you can really survive out here. Well, I'm telling you that you can. Now we have to get off the mountain. And you need to gather some dry wood. With any luck we'll be back up here for you tomorrow. Stay dry, and stay warm." Corporal Taylor got in his vehicle and drove away, the disabled pickup truck leaving with them. 

Richard watched them leave. "I can do this," he said to himself. "I must."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a good time for James or Richard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more to come, I promise.

James wasn't happy. 

When Jeremy and Andy told James what happened and that Richard was still up on the mountain, he sat with his hands covering his nose and mouth, saying nothing. He didn't need to say anything at all--both Jeremy and Andy could see his fear and anger. And James didn't feel the need to repeat what he had been saying. He'd warned them, he'd been ignored by everyone, and now it was happening. Richard was up on the mountain in a storm and it really wouldn't help for the same people who ignored him to suddenly cover their asses by saying they were sorry, and they should have listened. At dinner James ate nearly nothing and said even less. Jeremy didn't want to press him--he doubted he'd get anything out of James anyway. shortly after James excused himself and went to his room. 

As he stepped outside a blast of cold wind hit James in the face. What little alcohol he'd had at dinner was instantly dissipated. As cold as it felt here, James could only imagine how it must have felt up on the mountain. "Oh, Hammond," James said softly, "You certainly pick your moments to thin of others instead of yourself."

HIs statement reminded James of a time not long after Richard had been released from hospital for his pneumonia. Richard had been under medical restriction to not tax his healing lungs with extreme physical activity--which meant no daily run, no exercise, and no sex. It had been close to two weeks since his release and Richard at that point was finding the 'no sex' rule more than a bit frustrating. James, however, had made sure to stick to the rules, in spite or Richard's best attempts to make him break it.

While James had found the 'no sex' rule about as frustrating as Richard, in a way James had seen it as an interesting challenge. He knew already he and Richard were compatible sexually, but now that they were going to make a serious try at being a couple, James had known they had to be good at other things, not just in bed. 

That night James had come upstairs after locking up and found Richard already in bed, reading a book. _"You've been a bit quiet tonight, Richard,"_ he'd observed gently. _"How are you feeling?"_

 _"I'm feeling good,"_ Richard had answered with a slight grin. _"The antibiotics are upsetting my stomach a little, though."_

 _"Well, you only have a few days of them left,"_ James had replied as he changed into his sleepwear. _"Have you remembered to take one tonight?"_

 _"I have,"_ Richard smiled. _"I only have trouble remembering to take daily vitamins and anti-malaria pills."_

 _"Hey, I'm not the one who said on-camera if he were a girl he'd be pregnant a lot,"_ James had teased. 

Richard had nodded and smiled at that. _"Yeah, I did say that, didn't I?"_ He'd waited until James had gotten into bed and got settled before putting down his book and removing his reading glasses. _"James?"_

_"Yes?"_

Richard had paused a moment. _"Thank you."_

That had surprised James. _"For what?"_

 _"For getting me help when I got sick,"_ Richard had answered. _"And for trying to keep me calm waiting for help to arrive. If I'd been alone when things went bad, I don't know what would have happened."_

James had turned over to look directly at Richard. _"There's nothing to thank me for,"_ he'd replied. _"You were in serious trouble. I did what anyone would have done."_

 _"Maybe,"_ Richard had answered. _"But it made me think, and I don't believe I have ever thanked you for all the times over the years you have been a true friend to me. And you've done that at times when I've done nothing but treat you like shit."_

James had responded with a tiny grin. _"If I said 'you're welcome', would you kiss me?"_ he'd asked. 

Richard had smiled back gently. _"I'd kiss you if you didn't say 'you're welcome' and you just told me to shut up,"_ he'd answered. 

James' eyebrows had raised in acknowledgement. _"Then...you're welcome,"_ he'd answered, his voice soft. James and Richard ad leaned in together for a kiss when James added, _"And shut up."_ Both of them burst into laughter and kept laughing for several minutes after. Even after turning off the light it had taken forever to go to sleep--one would relax to drift off when he'd hear the other trying to stifle a giggle, which would get the other to giggle as well and it would start all over again. This had been the moment James knew he could build a relationship with Richard one more than just sex. 

Back in his room James tried to sleep and couldn't He kept thinking of Richard trapped up on that mountain, fighting the wind, the snow, and the cold. "I wish I was up there with you," he whispered. 

***

Richard was exhausted.

The rest of the usable light after Mountain Rescue had left was spent cutting up small trees for firewood, which he stacked inside his enclosure he'd made of pine branches, hoping to keep the wood dry. He melted snow in the kettle to make drinking water. He hunted for any visible pine nuts to gather. and he battled the rising wind threatening to freeze him solid if he remained in one place longer than five minutes. Then the snow began, forcing Richard to venture away from the warmth of the fire to dig snow away from his tent. Corporal Taylor had warned Richard not to get trapped in his tent by the snow; Richard thought it might also be a bad idea to be trapped outside the tent by the snow, too. After clearing the snow Richard rummaged through the rations and found a packet of crackers and a tin of strawberry jelly. It wasn't much, but compared to the amount of food Richard had seen the past couple of days, it was a feast. The rations included another packet of crackers and jelly, a stick of mystery cheese, six Oreo cookies, and two meals to be mixed with water to make a hot dinner. He ate the packet of crackers and jelly, which in realty probably didn't taste anywhere nearly as wonderful as Richard found it at that moment. The main benefit of the food was that it helped to give Richard a little bit of energy, because his was starting to feel a bit run down. 

Richard stayed by the fire as long as he could, but conditions were getting worse, so he took the shovel and the kettle with him to the tent. Unrolling the sleeping bags the three crew members left he placed one on top of the other, then placed his sleeping bag on top last; Richard hoped it would keep him warmer than he had been before. 

He turned on the radio and pressed the button. "This is Stranded Hamster calling Mountain Rescue Base." This had been the handle Richard had been given during the challenge should anyone needed to be evacuated. 

"Mountain Rescue Base here, Stranded Hamster," a voice came from the radio. "What is the status of the storm up there? Over."

"Winds have really picked up," Richard answered. "Probably 25-30 sustained at this point. Snow is coming in pretty heavy. Over."

"Forecast from the weather center says to expect snow for the next 12-14 hours," Mountain Rescue reported. "Winds will be 25-30 sustained with gusts up to 40. Just make sure your tent is staked well. Over."

Richard grinned. "Wouldn't want to find myself flying off the side of the mountain in a tent would I? Over."

"Stranded Hamster, be advised to report every two or three hours," Mountain Rescue replied. "Also make sure to keep your tent entrance clear of snow. Over."

"Will do, Mountain Rescue Base. Over and out." Richard sighed--at least that was five minutes filled up. Richard hated boredom more than just about anything else. He knew that had been a factor in his behavior the past few days. And then he went and volunteered to stay up here another couple of days to wait out this storm. "What the hell was I thinking?!" he cried out to nobody. "Rich, you know what you were thinking," he answered himself a moment later. "You didn't want to risk anybody else."

Richard glanced down and saw the camera. He'd been using it during the challenge to film inside the tent. He'd used it sparingly, so it had plenty of tape and battery life left. Everyone had forgotten about the camera while debating who was staying behind. He held up the camera and turned it on. "Hi everyone, it's me," he began. "Let me say first, to Andy or who else might be seeing this, that what I'm doing now and this point forward is _not_ for broadcast. I'm only filming this in case...uh...something happens, and my family and friends need an explanation to make sense of things later. The storm has come, as you can hear, and Mountain Rescue has told me to expect snow for the next 12 or so hours. I chose to be one to stay behind because in good conscience, I couldn't ask anyone to risk themselves. So here I am in my tent, waiting out this storm, hoping to be rescued maybe tomorrow. That's all for now." he shut the camera off. Then the moment truly hit him of what he had volunteered to do. He'd known it, of course, but it's one thing to know the gravity of the situation and another to truly understand it, to let it invade your being. It invaded now, the fact that what had started as a lark was now quite serious, that there was a chance of dying. It was something he never let completely in filming Top Gear: he'd let in enough to not take completely stupid risks, but had he let too much in at once he probably would have become too terrified in the aftermath of 2006, when it got too real. Richard felt his heart begin to race and he began trying to breathe deeply to calm himself. Panic was the wrong thing to do, he knew that much. "You know what to do," he said to himself. "You did the training, now you simply have to do it." He felt himself begin to relax. The breathing was something he'd taught himself while he was recovering from the accident and his scrambled brain was trying to put itself back together. Sometimes if he could breathe and relax it could ward off the anxiety attacks he felt. Not always, but it worked well enough to keep trying it. This time it worked. 

Every couple of hours Richard had to open the tent flap and shovel the snow away, difficult given the winds trying to push the snow back towards the tent the need to shovel seemingly higher amounts of snow at every turn. The night, the wind, and the snowfall seemed endless. Richard slept in fits between his shoveling duties. and it was getting colder. Eventually Richard tried to warp himself in the sleeping bag for some extended rest, but it was too cold to sleep comfortably. It took awhile for Richard to notice the wind wasn't blowing as hard as before, and when he opened the tent flap to shovel away the snow the pile of fresh snow wasn't as high as it had been before. The storm had blown over. Now all Richard had to do was wait until daylight to see if a rescue would be possible.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More trouble on top of trouble, and a lovely memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice long entry for you. The J.C. Bach piece that fell into my heart and therefore this story is the Concerto for Fortepiano in D major, Op. 13. The 2nd movement is the track you should listen to.

James was lost.

All he could see was white. the snow was flying into his face, it was hip-deep, and the fog was a white wall in front of him. There was nothing to distinguish the land from the sky to the sudden drop into nothing. "Richard!" he called. "Richard!" He wondered what the hell he was doing. he didn't know where he was; assuming he found Hammond at all, he had no idea where they would go. Chances were he'd find Richard only for both of them to freeze together. But for James, it was a better option than leaving him to die here alone. 

James saw a dark figure in the snow, partially buried. he struggled to make his way to it. There were other dark figures circling around, trying to give a wide berth, but James figured sooner or later these figures would ignore their fear and come in closer. 

James reached the figure in the snow. It was Richard. He stood as one turned to a pillar of salt, unable to even cry out. Then Richard moved feebly in the snow and it broke the spell. "Oh, God," James whispered, falling to his knees and picking up Richard to hold him in his arms. "Richard, it's me. It's James." 

Richard slowly opened his eyes. "James..." his voice weak and barely above a whisper. "I'm so sorry..." His eyes closed and James felt his body go limp.

"Richard..." James called tearfully. "Please don't leave me..." When he looked up, the dark figures who had been circling came into view. They were wolves, snarling and growling.

James awoke in his bed in the hotel, a cold sweat soaking the sheets. His heart was hammering against his breastbone and he was feeling like he would throw up any second. Outside the wind was howling, the storm having descended from the mountain. There would be no more sleep, so James got up and took a shower. 

"Jeez, May, you look like shit," Jeremy said when he and Andy met James a couple of hours later for breakfast. "Did you sleep at all?"

"You have to ask?" James replied. "I try to close my eyes and all I see is him frozen to death up there." Jeremy could see James was struggling to hold himself together. 

"We're going to Mountain Rescue after breakfast," Andy tried to reassure him. "They've probably been in touch with him already and they're discussing whether they can get him down today."

"May, we all know Hammond well," Jeremy said to him. "He's tough. He's a short, angry Brummie and sometimes he's a complete idiot, but we all know when it comes to tough situations his plums are as big as church bells. Chances are nothing has gone wrong up there and in that case he's used the training he received to get through one extra night. He's going to be okay. But James, you're not. If Hammond knew you weren't eating or sleeping over this, he'd be pissed." James nodded his head but didn't speak. "What we should do is this: you're going to eat, go to Mountain Rescue to get the good news about Hammond, then we're getting you back here so you can take a nap. Is that a deal?"

"That's a deal," James answered reluctantly. 

Jeremy had trotted off triumphantly to the loo when Andy leaned over to James. "Don't let Jezza bullshit you," he said. "You may have managed more sleep last night than he did." 

James' eyebrows raised in surprise. "Really?"

Andy nodded. "he volunteered to stay behind yesterday," he said. "Hamster wouldn't let him. Jezza thinks he should have simply punched him out and loaded him in the truck." 

"But Jeremy wouldn't have the first clue what to do," James replied. "His idea of camping usually involves a hotel."

"Look, James, don't say anything," Andy said. "He'd hate it if he thought you knew how torn up he is inside. You know how he is about showing his tough, macho side to the world." 

"Are we ready?" Jeremy asked as he returned to the table. James could see the flash of worry in his friend's eyes, and then he saw how he covered it up quickly. It wasn't the same as having Richard safely off the mountain, but James could at least be satisfied knowing at least one other person actually cared about Richard as a human being. A second later James felt like shit for even questioning that. 

"Let's go," Andy suggested. 

***

It was a good thing Mountain Rescue's base office was a couple of blocks from the hotel. The snowstorm was peaking around the time James, Jeremy and Andy left the hotel diner. It didn't take them long to get where they were going on foot, but it was long enough to make the three men quietly wonder what kind of hell Richard had faced alone up there.

Entering the lobby of the base, all three got their hats, gloves, scarves, and coats off quickly. Corporal Taylor came out to greet them. "Good morning," he said to the trio. "You're just in time. "We're about to make contact with your friend Hamster."

"When did you last hear from him?" Jeremy asked. 

"Contact was last made three hours ago," Corporal Taylor answered. "I wasn't here, but I was told he sounded okay." James and Andy sighed audibly in relief. "Hopefully during this next contact he can tell us about visibility so we can determine if a rescue is possible today."

The three of them had a seat and drank coffee while listening to the call to Richard. "this is Mountain Rescue Base to Stranded Hamster. Come in..." 

After a minute--which to James felt as if it took hours--came a welcome reply: "This is Stranded Hamster calling Mountain Rescue Base, good morning. Over." James sighed and grinned, though to his ears Richard sounded tired. 

"Stranded Hamster, can you give us a status update? Over."

"The snow has stopped and the wind has calmed, Mountain Rescue," Richard answered, "but a heavy fog has descended. Visibility is poor, I would estimate less than a quarter-mile. Over." James was a licensed pilot, and Richard had a license for helicopters--he knew if visibility was that limited with calm wind, the chances of the fog lifting were slim.

"Stranded Hamster, can you describe any visual references? Over."

"Mountain Rescue, the fog is meeting the snow and creating a wall effect," Richard answered calmly. "The light appears flat. Over." None of this was sounding welcome to James, and it definitely sounded like a rescue would not happen that day.

"Stranded Hamster, be advised to report again in another two hours on conditions. In the meantime, there is someone who wishes to say hello. Over." the radio was held out. "Who wants to speak?"

"That would be you, Captain Slow," Jeremy said as he clapped James on the shoulder.

James stepped up to the radio, trying to stay calm. and pressed the button. "Hammond, you're alive!" he announced, trying to sound surprised.

"May!" Richard replied, the joy in his voice ringing. "Yes, still alive. Over."

"How are you feeling? Over."

"I'm tired and cold, to be honest," Richard answered. "I've been doing a lot. When I get down I'm going to need a hot shower, a massage for my aching muscles, and then I'm going to sleep for three days. Over."

Andy and Jeremy chuckled. "We'll have to arrange that for you," James replied. "Jezza and Wilman are here, so they've heard your demand. Over."

"Good. In the meantime you're sounding a bit tired, mate. Get some sleep, because I don't want to come back to a flu epidemic. You know how Jezza gets when he catches the flu. Over."

James held the radio out towards Jeremy and pressed the button. "At least you recover from the flu," Jeremy argued. "There['s no cure for being a short arse!" Everyone laughed at that.

"Hammond, we can't stay on," James told him. 'You need to stay safe and do what you've been taught. They'll come get you as soon as possible. Rich--" he began, then stopped. The lump in his throat was growing. "Just get back here alive," he whispered. "Over."

"I promise I will," Richard answered back. "Over and out."

Andy volunteered to stay at Mountain Rescue to keep tabs on Richard while James and Jeremy agreed to go back to the hotel and get some sleep. James was feeling marginally better about things. he'd spoken to Richard directly, and while he sounded a bit tired his voice was strong and sure. he was confident in Mountain Rescue's ability to rescue Richard quickly if needed. And for the first time James thought maybe all the contingencies had been covered.

James sat on his bed in the hotel room and didn't remember anything else until mid-afternoon, stretched out comfortably. He felt peaceful, in fact, he felt better than he'd felt in a long time.

James' cellphone rang. It was Jeremy. "Hello, Clarkson."

"You're finally awake," he said. "I'm having tea in the diner. Would you like to join?"

"I am a bit peckish," James answered. I'll meet you shortly." 20 minutes later James met Jeremy in the diner for afternoon tea. James could see his mate had clearly had a good rest as well, and perhaps the lifting of a weight from his shoulders. The tea itself wasn't fancy--just the standard diner fare--but it served well.

Jeremy looked out the window at the last of the snow gently falling, the wind growing calm. "We should relieve Andy at Mountain Rescue," he said.

"Good idea," James answered, "though I am a bit curious. He should have at least texted some sort of update by now, but I have nothing."

"I don't have a message, either," Jeremy replied. "That is curious."

"Maybe Andy wanted to make sure we got some sleep," James offered.

Jeremy nodded and started to answer when his phone signaled a message. James' phone started signaling at the same time. "it's from Andy," Jeremy said.

_Come to Mountain Rescue as soon as you wake up. There's a problem.--Andy_

James looked up at Jeremy. "Richard," he whispered.

***

Richard's day had been rough. The snow was deep, which made movement difficult. He had to shovel the snow away from the enclosure where he stored the firewood. The fog refused to lift, which made Richard realize nobody would be coming up the mountain to rescue him that day. The fire was difficult to start, but once he got it started he boiled some snow with the kettle and made himself one of the meals and ate it. That's when Richard understood there was an even bigger problem--his throat was scratchy. That meant the body aches he was having were due to more than just strained muscles. Richard took off a glove and felt his forehead; he felt hot. "That's the last fucking thing I need," he muttered. "The flu on top of everything else."

Richard felt the need to sleep a little, so he went into the tent and wrapped himself in the sleeping bag. The really bright spot in his day had been hearing James' voice on the radio. When James had begun to sign off and his voice nearly broke, Richard knew what James had wanted to say to him, because it's what Richard could feel. Richard felt the same back to him--love. One would do anything for the other, no doubt. 

In a half-sleep, Richard dreamt of a time a few months ago. James had gone on location to film a couple of Top Gear segments, leaving Richard for a couple of days. The last time this had happened Richard had planned a romantic surprise, but he ended up in hospital. That wasn't going to happen again--he was in fine fettle and he wasn't going out drinking with Jeremy and running down his immune system.

When James had come home, as he had when he'd returned from Canada, he'd found the house was dark. This time, however, James had heard classical music playing and he'd caught the aroma of baked chicken. Once again Richard had been sitting at the kitchen table with lit candles, a lopsided grin on his face. James couldn't help but smile. 

_"Welcome home,"_ Richard had said softly. _"Are you hungry?"_

_"I'm starving,"_ James had answered. _"Whatever you've made smells wonderful."_

Richard had grabbed two plates from the oven and set them on the table. _"I got the recipe at Tesco's,"_ he'd answered with a shrug. _"It's just some chicken, green beans, and mushroom sauce. Nothing complex."_

James had smiled. _"But I like it,"_ he'd replied. He'd dug into his meal greedily, having eaten nothing on the plane. Richard had watched James eat with a feeling of satisfaction. And when James had noticed Richard had baked the same cake he had before, Richard had known his efforts were appreciated. 

But what ended up touching James the most had been when he'd stopped and listened to the music. _"That's J.C. Bach,"_ he'd noted. _"That's not from the radio, in fact I don't think is anything I own. What is this?"_

 _"Well,"_ Richard had answered, _"I went through your music collection and I burned a CD. It's sort of a mix tape, it's all music that reminds me of you. I especially like this track."_

James had smiled sweetly. _"You did that?"_ he'd asked. 

_"Of course,"_ Richard had answered. _"I still don't know most of the composers, but I know I think of you hearing these tracks."_

James had softly kissed Richard's forehead. _"Nobody's don't that for me before,"_ he'd said. 

Richard's eyes had gone wide. _"Then you should start getting all the good things you deserve."_ He'd stood up on his toes to give James a proper kiss. _"I'm going to clean up the kitchen,"_ he'd said. _"Then if you're not too tired, I'd like to take my CD, put this track on endless replay, and make love to you to it."_

James had swallowed audibly. _"I think I'd like that very much,"_ he'd whispered. 

Richard woke up, unsure how long he'd been asleep. His body ached like he'd been thrown off the mountain in his sleep, then replaced in his tent.

The radio turned on. "This is Mountain Rescue Base calling Stranded Hamster. Please acknowledge."

It took a few minutes for Richard to extract himself from the sleeping bag to reach the radio. "Stranded Hamster calling Mountain Rescue Base," he answered. "Over."

There was a pause. "Stranded Hamster, give an update on current conditions," the voice said. 

Richard made himself crawl over to the tent flap and open it. "Weather conditions are pretty much unchanged," he reported, struggling to make his voice work. "Light is still flat with heavy fog, but there is a light breeze. Over."

"I'm afraid there is some bad news..."

***

"Another storm?" Jeremy asked Andy. "When?"

"A few hours," Andy told him. "As soon as the weather reports come in, Mountain Rescue started deploying like the invasion of Normandy. They have to keep someone by the radio at all times. Which is why I'm telling you all this instead of the professionals." Andy ran a hand through his hair. "They were saying this storm's going to be a bad one," he continued. "At least 2 feet of new snow on the mountain, and at least a foot down here when the storm moves down. And the temperature will be below zero for days." 

"Does Hammond know?" Jeremy asked. 

"He knows," Andy said. "And that brings up another big problem. During their report they noticed Hamster sounded odd, so they asked him to report symptoms. They think he's come down with the flu."

"Oh shit," Jeremy sighed. "They've got to get him down."

"They can't," Andy replied. "The roads up the mountain a blocked with snow. The fog is too thick to see for any all-terrain rescue, much less an aerial one. And the new storm would hit before anyone got to the top. 

"But Hammond's never going to have the strength to do everything he needs to do to survive," Jeremy argued helplessly.

"Don't you think I know that?!" Andy shouted. "Goddamn it, Clarkson, don't you think I've asked all these questions?!" This isn't for ratings here--I've sent someone to the top of a mountain where they've become so ill he could pass out and freeze to death, and nobody can help him. How do you suppose I feel about that?!" Andy turned his back to Jeremy and ran a shaky hand over his face.

James, meanwhile, had stood off to the side, a silent witness to their exchange. The news and all its implications struck him to his very heart. There was nothing for it, he had to do something. He put his coat, hat, and gloves back on and went outside. 

He was halfway across the parking lot when he heard Jeremy shout, "May! Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go get him," James answered. "Don't stop me, Clarkson. Someone around here has a Snow Cat, or at least a big pickup truck I can rent."

"Did you not hear Wilman?" Jeremy argued. "There's a big storm coming. There's a pea-soup fog up there. Assuming you don't simply drive off the side of the mountain, you'll get stuck up there and chances are you'll freeze to death."

James turned to face Jeremy. "He's going to die up there, Jezza," he replied, his voice breaking. "Does nobody understand that, or does nobody give a fuck?"

"Everybody cares, James," Jeremy tried to assure him. "Right now you're just reacting instead of thinking things through. I know how you feel, but we both need to stay calm and let the people who know what to do take care of things." 

"You can't know what I feel!" James shot back fiercely. "All my life...all my life I wanted what I have now with him, and I got it when I thought it would never happen for me. Now it's in danger of being taken from me and I don't know what to do..." Jeremy saw james' face fall and he could rarely remember a time when James ever looked so helpless. James' eyes filled with tears and he struggled to keep his chin from quivering. And despite any misgivings he may have had about being seen hugging another man in public, Jeremy felt it was the right thing to hold James close, let James' head fall onto his shoulder, and sob.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprising conversation between Richard and Izzy, and new concerns over James.

Richard drifted in and out of fever dreams all night. At times he would see James, or Izzy, Jeremy or Mindy, and they would demand answers from him, and he would try to explain things. Then he would wake up to the sound of howling wind. Richard would drag himself out of his sleeping bag and shovel snow until he'd feel his strength fading, then he would crawl back to the sleeping bag and collapse upon it to wander in fever dreams again. 

At one point he turned the camera on again, an act he'd performed a few times over the past day. "There is another storm," he said weakly, his voice raspy. "I'm trying to shovel the snow away from the tent, but it's falling faster than I can dig." He coughed and when he tried to take a deep breath there was a wheeze. "As you can hear, I've caught something," he continued. "It's posing a problem when it comes to keeping up with the snow, but I don't have a choice. Either I keep up or get buried in a snow drift. And with that I'm going back to clear more snow." He turned the camera off and returned to work. 

Richard unzipped the tent flap and took a look outside. Enough snow had fallen in the past couple of hours to where it looked essentially as it did before Richard shoveled it two hours ago. For a moment his resolve faltered--he would never be able to keep up with the snow, no help was coming, and it was turning dramatically colder. It might be easier to just go to sleep and stop the fight. 

In that moment his thought turned to Izzy and the conversation he had just before leaving for Canada. James had challenged him, asking if Richard's daughters were aware he was never getting back together with Mindy. Richard felt it was as good a time as any to broach the subject. 

He'd decided to talk to Izzy first. She was 14 and growing into a brave and practical young woman--so brave and practical, in fact, Richard and Mindy both wondered if she'd been taken by aliens years ago and replaced with an evolutionally superior being. While Mindy was spending time with Willow working on a school project Richard had pulled his older daughter aside and said, _"Hey, Iz, how about you and I take a walk?"_

 _"Because you need to talk to me about something, dad?"_ Izzy had replied with a knowing smile. 

_"Not the only reason,"_ Richard had admitted. _"I would like to spend some time with you, you know."_

Izzy shrugged. _"Okay,"_ she'd replied. 

They'd walked together in silence for awhile until Richard had figured out how to start the conversation. _"At your school,"_ he'd begun, _"how many of your friends would you say have divorced parents?"_

 _"I don't know,"_ Izzy had answered. _"A lot, probably."_

_"What about your mates? Do any of them have divorced parents?"_

_"A couple. Why?"_

_"No reason, really. I just get worried what a divorce might be doing to you and your sister."_

_"Sometimes it's not easy,"_ Izzy had answered. _"I miss you not being here. I know you have to travel for the show, but when you weren't working you were here, and now you're not here as much."_

Richard had sighed. _"Do your mates say anything about not seeing their parents?"_ he'd asked. 

_"Oh, sure,"_ Izzy had told him. _"I think that's kind of normal for divorce. But at least you and MUM aren't screaming at each other. One of my mates' parents divorced, then decided to get remarried. But they got divorced again and now they just fight when they see each other."_ Izzy had turned very serious. _"Dad, are you thinking of getting back together with Mum?"_

Richard hated the thought of possibly breaking Izzy's heart, but he'd felt the need to be honest. _"No,"_ he'd told her. _"I'm so sorry, love."_

What shocked Richard in that moment was that Izzy had appeared relieved. _"Okay, Dad,"_ she'd said. _"Because I don't want you and Mum to get back together only to break up again and hate each other. Please, Dad, promise me you won't do that."_

__"I can promise that,"_ Richard had answered softly. _"But even if your Mum and I were so mad at each other we couldn't be in the same room anymore, you and Willow should never doubt we both love you like mad."_ He'd kissed the top of her head and they were both silent a moment. _"You know, you're being awfully grown up about this."__

_Izzy had practically rolled her eyes in response. _"I'm 14, Dad,"_ she'd responded patiently. _"14-year-olds know more than you think we do."__

_Richard had chuckled a bit. _"You think you do,"_ Richard had replied, shaking his head sadly. _"But the older you get you start to realize you don't know as much as you think. But humor me. What do you know, my lovely daughter?"__

_Izzy stared directly into her father's eyes and measured him a moment. _"I know you don't just live in James' guest room."__

_Richard had blinked. _"What?"__

__"You live _ **with**_ James, Dad. I know that."_ _

__"And who told you that?"_ _

_Izzy shook her head. _"You and Mum still think Willow and I can't hear you talking when we're in the next room,"_ she'd answered with a laugh. _

_Richard had been stunned and felt his knees go a bit weak. Then he sighed. _"That is not the way you should hear news like that, love,"_ he'd told her. _"Um...do you have any questions about this, or is there anything that confuses you? I can't imagine you have many schoolmates who..."__

__"Who have two Mums or Dads who live with each other?"_ Izzy had asked. _"No."_ She sat down on the grass and Richard joined her. She had been silent a bit when she'd softly asked, _"Do you love him?"__

__"Yes,"_ Richard had answered. _"And your Mum knows all this."__

__"Do you want to get married? You can do that now, you know."_ _

__"Maybe someday. We haven't talked about that yet. We wouldn't until we were sure everyone who matters to us knew and they were okay with it. That would take awhile, and for that I need your solemn promise. You cannot tell anyone that you know, not even your grandparents. I have to tell them myself. And if anybody wants to ask you questions, tell them I said they had to ask me, not you. Okay?"_ Izzy nodded. _"Now, answer another question for me...how do you know what it means to have two Mums or Dads who live with each other?"__

__"Dad, I had to take sex education in school last year!"_ Izzy replied, exasperated in the way only a 14-year-old girl can achieve. _"Don't you remember you and Mum had to say yes?"_ _

_Richard couldn't help but wonder at the passing of time. He'd still had the image in his head of Izzy as a baby, and now he was staring at this wondrous creature who would soon learn to drive and go off to University. And she'd been raised mostly by her mother. He hadn't been an absentee father by any stretch, and neither had Jeremy towards his children, but like Jeremy, Richard had struggled balancing a public career with the type of private life the public career provided, and along the way sacrifices were made. As he'd finished his conversation with Izzy and they hugged, Richard had decided it was time for the sacrifices to swing the other way._

_Richard stared out at the snow and decided he couldn't give up on his children. He would fight to his last strength in order to survive. He grabbed the shovel and began to dig again._

_***_

_"I'm afraid Hamster is sounding weak," Corporal Taylor said to Andy and Jeremy, trying to keep his voice low. "He's trying to stay awake and shovel the snow away, but he won't be able to keep up as the strength leaves him. That is our main worry, that the flu could cause him to pass out, and at the temperatures up there, it could be fatal."_

_Jeremy took a glance over to James, sitting at the far end of the room. He was the reason Corporal Taylor was speaking to Jeremy and Andy in a hushed voice. Jeremy noted the running joke among them had been james had been born old, but in the past 18 hours Jeremy got to witness his friend age right in front of him. He'd clearly not slept and the stress of the situation was getting to him._

_Corporal Taylor clearly saw something else going on. "You know, we are doing all we can in our power to rescue Hamster," he continued. "But in situations like this, where a bad ending is a strong possibility, loved ones react in different ways. Some become very calm and unflappable, and some just fall apart. Sometimes the real tragedy in these vents is what happens to the families." He nodded in James' direction. "if the worst happens, I'd recommend keeping a watch on your friend." Jeremy sighed The last time he felt this much worry over James' well-being had been years ago, when he and Richard had stopped seeing each other the first time. Somehow James had turned the corner on his own back then, but Jeremy doubted he would be able to do it now, or under these circumstances. Jeremy wasn't sure about the potential of James committing suicide if Hammond couldn't be rescued, but after last night Jeremy was convinced the wrong outcome would break James completely. The idea of losing one best mate was terrifying to Jeremy; losing two at the same time was unimaginable._

_"I called Mindy this morning," Andy told him. "I told her what was happening, but I didn't go into details. Do you know one of her first questions was to ask about James?"_

_Jeremy nodded. "Richard told me Mindy understood James wasn't to blame for what happened. Richard took the blame for all of it. And then, when Mindy saw Richard wasn't faffing about with others and was only with James, she realized May and Hammond were probably meant for each other."_

_Andy shook his head. "I hope James is strong enough to handle this."_

_"So do I," Jeremy whispered back._


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James has a memory, and Richard has to fight for his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't pretend to know anything about wolves, really. Just enjoy the suspense.

James sat by the window at Mountain Rescue, staring out at the falling snow. He knew they were all whispering about him--as if he couldn't figure it out. They were thinking he wasn't going to be able to handle Richard possibly dying up there before they can reach him. he knew they were right, but to all of them it was a collection of works, just something to say in times like this. They had no idea _why_

Love had never really happened for him. He'd fallen in love before, and while being a shy, nerdy kid who could play flute and piano wasn't what teenage girls wanted, he figured that wouldn't be seen as mark against him as an adult--in fact, a man who loved classical music, an accomplished pianist and flautist who knew a thing or two about physics and engineering, would be attractive to women who whined about not finding a smart guy. It did land him dates and he'd even gotten laid a few times. But the connection never happened. he'd either be really into her and she'd not feel it, or vice versa. And it continued to happen when he discovered he was attracted to men as well. AS he got older and approached middle age, he became aware that time was running out for him to find someone whom he not only loved, but loved him as well. AS it continued to not happen for him, James had become resigned to it _never_ happening. 

And then his relationship with Richard had changed. Dear, sweet, sexy family man Richard Hammond, who's discovered an unknown side to himself and how he felt about James. it took time, with stops and starts and the histrionics of will they/won't they. But eventually Richard and James got their acts together and started living with each other. By the time they got around to declaring their love for one another, James realized what he'd started feeling for Richard wasn't just love, but something he'd once heard on the TV show 'Lost' as _spectacular, consciousness-altering love_ , the feeling that Richard was the one person he had ever loved, had always loved, and was ever meant to love. There would never be anyone else. Faced with losing him, James found the future unimaginable. James considered this carefully. At 13, or even in his twenties, that kind of thought would be considered ridiculous and over-the-top. In his 50's now, that becomes more a statement of fact. None of them could understand. 

As the snow continued to fall, James' mind drifted back to the night before Richard left for training. He'd driven home from Wales after spending the weekend with Mindy and the girls. As he walked in James could see he was relaxed but tired. 

_"You're home a bit earlier than I expected you,"_ James had stated. Walking up to Richard, James had reached down and kissed him. _"Everything okay back there?"_

 _"Eventful,"_ Richard had answered as he removed his shoes. _"I decided to have a talk with Izzy about things."_

James wasn't sure he wanted to hear the next part. _"And?"_ he'd asked. 

_"She dropped a couple of bombs,"_ Richard had answered. _"First, that she preferred Mindy and I remain divorced rather than us getting back together, screwing things up worse, and hating each other. Second, and this is the bigger bomb...she knows about us. For real."_

_"What? Did Mindy tell her?"_

_"No. Iz says she's overheard Mindy and me talking about it. Plus, she's had sex education in school and they've discussed such things in class."_

James had exhaled. _"Well, you and Mindy both have always said she's very clever."_ he'd replied. _"What was Izzy's response?"_

Richard had shrugged. _"Pretty much nonplussed. She asked if I wanted to marry you and if I loved you."_

 _"That's...interesting..."_ James had replied, his tone noncommittal. 

_"I told her we're not at the point of getting married,"_ Richard had continued. _"I told her we had to let some people know and it would take time. As for whether I love you..."_ he had grinned at James and his brown eyes warmed as he had placed his arms around James' neck, _"...that is a definite yes."_

James had responded by pulling Richard closer and giving him a sweet, tender kiss. Richard's lips parted at the invitation of the tip of James' tongue, which slipped into Richard's mouth and danced there, a tiny moan coming from the back of Richard's throat. 

By the time the kiss had ended, both were breathing hard and their eyes were dark. _"Please take me upstairs, James,"_ Richard had whispered. James had been more than happy to do so, taking Richard by his wrist and pulling him insistently to the bedroom. Next to the bed, James had reached down to kiss Richard again, caressing his face gently as James' kiss deepened. Richard had stared up into James' deep blue eyes. _"I belong to you,"_ he'd said tenderly, sitting on the bed and placing his hands together in front of him on his lap. 

James had smiled, liking the direction this interlude was taking. _"Do you now?"_ he'd asked, trying to sound nonchalant. Inside, James' heart had suddenly skipped beats and he felt his cock growing hard in his pants. But he was also moved by the tenderness of Richard's statement, so James sat on the bed next to Richard and affectionately kissed the side of his head, then reached over tot he nightstand and pulled out a blindfold. _"Would you like for me to blindfold you?"_ James had whispered, delighting in watching Richard shiver as his breath hit sensitive points on and behind his ear. 

_"Yes, James,"_ Richard had answered, his voice low and soft. 

James had smiled in satisfaction as he tied the blindfold to Richard's head, then whispered to him, _"I want you to feel everything I give to you. Relax and enjoy."_ James started off massaging Richard's shoulders, getting him to relax the muscles tight due to the long drive. Richard had gasped audibly when he felt James' lips brush against his neck licking up the side and gently biting his earlobe. James leaned Richard onto the bed as they kissed and James unbuttoned Richard's shirt, trailing kisses down as new skin was exposed. Richard had arched his back and moaned loudly as James' lips kissed down towards his jeans. He reached down and tried to find James' head to guide where he'd like for James to go next. James' response had been to grab Richard's hands and gently kiss the palms. _"Patience, Richard,"_ James said and grinned. _"Good things come to those who wait."_ He had reached back into the nightstand and pulled out a silk scarf. The scarf would be used soon enough, but for the time being James had focused on unbuttoning Richard's jeans, Richard jumping at James' touch as James unzipped him and pulled them down. Richard's hard cock sprang free, and James could tell that he was deeply aroused. 

James had taken his time removing his own clothes as he had watched Richard. Even though the blindfold covered part of his face, Richard's flush of desire crept down his neck, and the depth of the color was quite visible. Picking up the scarf again, James sat next to Richard on the bed, holding the scarf just above the skin. _"Do you want to be touched, Richard?"_ James had asked, his voice low. 

_"Yes, James,"_ Richard had groaned helplessly. "Please, touch me James."

James had chuckled deviously, a sound he'd noted Richard reacted to with a shiver. James also knew he wouldn't resist Richard once he begged, either. James had dropped the scarf lower, brushing Richard's body with it. As the silk touched the skin, his nerve endings sensitive with lust and one of his senses blocked, Richard's body tried to jump off the bed to meet the scarf. His breathing had changed, and when James brushed the the silk over Richard's very stiff cock and balls, Richard's hips involuntarily thrust upward, his back arching. A long, deep moan escaped him, a sound that had adrenalized James' own arousal. James had reached up and kissed Richard deeply and roughly, knowing it turned Richard on to be at his mercy. _"I'm going to turn you over, Richard,"_ he'd said firmly, _"and then I'm going to put you on your knees. Then I'm going to fuck you but good. Is that what you want, Richard? Do you want to feel good?"_

 _"God, yes,"_ Richard had managed to whisper. _"James....please...."_

James had turned Richard over and applied lube to his fingers, prepping Richard by sliding fingers in and out of him. James had always taken care to make sure Richard wouldn't be injured by him--in spite of loving to control Richard in bed, he didn't completely get into the BDSM scene and the infliction of pain. When he'd felt Richard was ready, James had applied a condom and lube to his cock before entering him slowly. _"Oh shit, Hammond, you're so tight,"_ he'd gasped. Richard had pushed back against James, a sign that he wanted James to thrust. the friction Richard had provided was nearly too much for James to handle, but he'd regained control and started to move. 

James and Richard barely spoke during that time--James became occupied with making it last while Richard had become so far gone he was beyond language. But James became mesmerized by the noise Richard was making, sounds James wasn't sure he'd ever heard quite the same way before. It had the effect of arousing James beyond control and he came hard inside Richard, driving him harder against Richard's prostate. Richard came, his body shuddering, his cry high pitched and loud. James had pulled out of Richard and collapsed onto his back on the bed, trying to catch his breath. Richard followed James soon after, pulling off the blindfold and resting on James' shoulder. 

James had turned to his side and pulled Richard to him, giving him the most lingering of kisses. _"I'm afraid I made a bit of a mess on the bedspread,"_ Richard had said. 

_"You did,"_ James had laughed, _"But it is washable. Are you okay?"_

 _"A bit sore, but not any worse than normal. But what happened I've never had happen before,"_ he chuckled. 

_"That was quite memorable,"_ James had smiled. He pulled Richard back in for another kiss. _"I Love you,"_ he'd whispered. 

Richard had caressed the side the side of James' face, and James had seen Richard had become very serious. _"I belong to you," _he'd said softly. _"I don't want to belong to anyone else. I hope you know that."___

__James had known in that moment he would be with Richard the rest of his life. It didn't matter anymore whether he and Richard were legally married or living together or simply told the public they were roommates. He didn't want anyone else. "Richard," James said within himself, "don't give in. You have to fight. I know you can fight. Come back to me.: James hoped somehow his thoughts would find their up way to the mountain._ _

__***_ _

__The snow was deep, and Richard found it difficult to move through it. But move through it he had to do--the enclosure he'd stored the firewood in was almost completely buried, and where he'd been making the campfire had been wiped away. But in spite of the challenge, Richard dug out the firewood and attempted to start a fire, then he had to rest. He looked up at the sky. Even though it was overcast, the fog had started to lift and he noticed the view of the landscape was much clearer. A ray of hope hit Richard like a beam of sunlight through clouds--if the fog was lifting a rescue would be coming soon. In spite of his weakness from the flu, Richard felt a surge of energy._ _

__There was a sound of something moving behind him. Richard turned. Slightly below him, in a thicket of trees, was a wolf. Richard and the wolf regarded each other for a moment. It was such a magnificent creature, completely comfortable and unafraid in this environment. It reminded him of the time recovering in Scotland when a stag proudly and fearlessly stared at him as both were walking the countryside. It was different this time, though; with the stag, the unspoken message had been _ **This is my land, and you are a small, strange creature**_ , while now with the wolf, the message was, _**You are a small, tasty-looking creature and this is my land**_. That point was enforced by the second wolf that came up, flanking Richard. _ _

__Richard reached down and grabbed one of the logs, trying to keep watch of the two wolves. he desperately wished he'd been able to get the fire lit--a lit brand would have driven the wolves off for sure. As it was he was going to have to rely on a lot of noise and bluster. He was going to have to channel Jeremy. "Yah! Hah! Hah!," he yelled, swinging the log around. It hurt like hell to get any volume in his voice, but he figured laryngitis was worth not becoming a snack to a pair of hungry wolves. The wolves ran away, but Richard had the bad feeling they wouldn't be gone for long._ _

__As quickly as he could, Richard gathered wood and kindling back together. The lighter wasn't working at the current frozen temperatures so he ran to the tent and found the flint. By now Richard was starting to fight panic; it could take time to spark a fire with flint, and the wolves could come back and jump him from behind. But for whatever reason--improved skill, good luck, divine intervention--the sparks caused by the hatchet striking the flint caught the kindling and with help the kindling caught the wood._ _

__None too soon. As Richard built the fire the wolves crested the hill. Richard knew this time simply making noise wouldn't be enough. He had to be prepared to fight. He grabbed a stick and thrust it into the fire and pulled it out, burning at one end. In the other hand he held the hatchet. Staring one of the wolves in the eyes, Richard strode toward it. "You want me? Come get me! Come on!" he shouted. Snarling the wolf approached. But Richard waved the burning wood at it, almost brushing its nose, and the wolf ran away. Then the sound of snarling returned. Richard turned and saw the second wolf poised for attack. This time Richard ran toward it, screaming. The wolf, given a choice of facing fire or intended pretty that turns out more vicious than believed also ran. Richard chased it for a bit, his adrenaline taking over. He tripped and fell, struggling to his feet. The enormity of what he had done suddenly hit as his adrenaline ran out. Then he fainted._ _


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a life and death struggle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So close to the end. Be patient.

CHAPTER 10

 

Richard wasn't out long, but when he regained his senses he felt a fatal cold in his very core, the cold of death. He realized he was quickly freezing and would be dead soon if he didn't get back to the tent. But he also knew what energy he would normally have in such a moment had been killed off by the flu, so the prospects of getting back to the tent were dwindling. It made him angry that in spite of all his efforts to survive he was probably going to die anyway, but the energy his anger generated was only enough to crawl a few feet. He thought about everyone in his life it would hurt if he died, people who’d stood by him through thick and thin, people who’d known him before he became a celebrity, people who knew him as a pub mate or a neighbor or a school parent “who just so happened to be…”. He moved a few more feet. Then his thoughts turned to those who mattered the most. His parents and brothers: worth a foot. Andy Woman, as close as a brother, a protector, a partner in crime: another foot. Jeremy, the visionary, the lighting rod who draws the heat away from the others: a foot for him. Mindy, who held his heart for so long, who fought for him when needed, the mother of his children, who loved him enough to let him go and not make his life difficult afterward: she got a couple of feet. Izzy and Willow, his daughters, rapidly becoming young women, so bright and radiant, brave, adventurous but with more sense, truly the best of him and Mindy and yet so much more than them: Richard managed three more feet, within a few feet of the tent itself. That was when the last of all strength ran out and he could go no further. “God, please,” he whispered really, “give me the strength or kill me now.”

In answer, Richard heard a voice: “Don't give in. You have to fight. I know you can fight. Come back to me.” Richard lifted his head. “James,” he whispered, expecting to see him right there. He wasn't, but deep inside Richard could feel James’ presence, urging him on. Somehow, Richard pulled himself up and he started crawling forward. He got to the tent and got inside. He knew that was it--there would be no exiting the tent again; either he would be rescued there or he'd die there. But at least he wasn't going to die outside like a wild animal to be torn apart by wolves.

Richard grabbed the camera and pulled the radio by the sleeping bag, wrapping up to make himself as warm as possible, though by now he was so cold it was an effort to move his arms. “Don't know what time this is,” he said to the camera, “but I think this will be the last you see of me...I fought the good fight, I know I did, but this time I think I’ve been beaten...I just don't have the strength to fight anymore. Izzy, Willow, my brave girls. Sorry I broke this promise to you. Know I tried and I love you beyond all life. You need to call on all your strength and live good lives. Mum, Dad...I don’t want to break your hearts. You raised me and Nick and Andy well. Anything anyone sees as good in us is due to you. Nick, Andy, I couldn't ask for better men to be my brothers. Please watch over Mindy and my girls as you do your own families. Mindy, oh my dear Mind…” Tears welled in his eyes and he had to pause a moment. “I screwed up everything between us and I’m sorry I couldn't ease all the pain I caused...but you never laid blame. Even though James came along, I never stopped loving the friend you became. I love you.” Richard paused and found himself struggling to stay awake. “Wilman,” he continued, “don’t blame yourself. Nobody could see this coming. You have to watch over the other two idiots, so no falling apart. Jezza…” his eyes filled with tears again, “there have been times I wanted to kill you for shit you pulled, or tried to pull, like staying here instead of me  
...just watch over my family, Jez. And watch over James.” Richard took several weak breaths and his eyes started to flutter closed. “I belong to you, James...I won't belong to anyone else…” His eyes fell closed a final time and Richard fell asleep. The camera turned off.

***

At the base of the mountain, I'n the Mountain Rescue office, there was silence. Andy was outside, on the phone to Mindy, giving an update. Jeremy sat watching James, and James had not spoken the entire day. Normally at some point James would've found something remarkably technical to fixate on and would have everyone wishing at some point that he’d just shut up. It had not happened today, and it scared Jeremy. James didn't seem to be reacting or registering any emotions. Not that James was catatonic. It was just over the years Jeremy had gotten used to emotions playing across James’ face even in silence, whether anger or humor or fascination, or even attempting to hide an emotion. All James had done today is stare out the window at the snow

If anything, James appeared to be wandering a faraway world, and in a way he was. His heart and soul was climbing the mountain on its own, looking for Richard. James had read at one time how some people can become so connected they feel one another over long distances. The most common form of this had been between mothers and adult children, but sometimes it happened within couples. Ever the one to be rational, James had initially dismissed it as the work of romantic novelists. But right now James was feeling desperate, and he hoped there was some way he could give Richard the strength he needed to survive. 

Suddenly James felt something was different. It felt terrible. “Hammond?” he murmured. Something felt so terribly wrong.

Jeremy was staring at James. “May?” he asked.

“We’ve got to contact Hammond,” James said, his eyes locking onto Jeremy with intensity.

At that moment Corporal Taylor came out to see them. “Good news,” he announced. “The fog is lifting according to our weather reports. “We are prepping our rescue chopper and will take off in 30 minutes to pick up Hamster.”

“Have you reached him on the radio?” James asked.

“Not yet,” Corporal Taylor answered. “He’s not responding.”

James shook his head. “Something's wrong,” he said. “We need to reach him.”

“That's what we're trying to do,” Corporal Taylor replied patiently. “Trust me, the chopper is the fastest way to do that. In the event he needs medical attention, he could be airlifted to the nearest hospital.” He noticed another member of the team motioning to him. “Excuse me, please.” He went into the office.

Jeremy managed a smile. “Well, now there’s progress,,” he said to James.

“I don’t agree,” James argued. “I can feel it, Jez.” Andy had now come back inside and was silently marveling at James’ newfound animation. “Something has happened up there nobody knows about, and we’ve got to try to do something to stem the tide while the helicopter gets there, or else--”

Before James could continue, Corporal Taylor returned, looking serious. “We've deployed the chopper,” he reported, “but I’m afraid there's been a development.” The way he said this made their blood run cold. “Hamster has somehow deployed the talk button on his radio, so we can listen in to where he is. We think he is trying to communicate with us, but he has become delirious.”

“Delirious?” Jeremy replied, “from the flu?”

“Perhaps,” Corporal Taylor answered, “but delirium and delusions can also happen with hypothermia. There have been cases where people suffering from hypothermia will remove all their clothes, thinking they're too hot. Needless to say, this is not a good sign.” 

“Is he saying anything at all sensible?” Jeremy asked. He was hoping against hope Richard might be saying something he and James would know, that he might be passing along a message.

Corporal Taylor shook his head “Very little,” he answered, “but he keeps asking for James.”

“I have an idea,” Andy suddenly spoke up. “Years ago, Hammond had a serious accident during a shoot. He suffered a brain injury. When the medics tried to talk to him and relay instructions he’d ignore them or just wouldn't respond. But if a member of the film crew relayed the same instructions, he’d listen. If James were to speak to Hammond on the radio, it could give him a familiar voice to focus on. It might give the rescue crew time.” 

Corporal Taylor thought a moment, nodding. “It might,” he conceded. “But James, you need to stay calm throughout, and understand the worst could happen regardless. Can you do that?” 

“I can,” James answered. 

“Okay,” Corporal Taylor replied. “Follow me.”

They followed him into the radio room and sat James down in front of it. “We’re going to operate the radio,” Corporal Taylor said. “All you’ll need to do is talk to him. I can't guarantee he’ll hear you, but this is worth a try. Go ahead.”

James took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves. “Richard? Can you hear me?”

It took a moment, but finally there came a weak, barely audible voice. “James?”

Tears began to well in James’ eyes. He quickly blinked them away. “It's me, Richard.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m here at the bottom of the mountain, you numpty. I’m waiting for you to come down. They're sending a helicopter for you.”

“Oh, James... please don't leave me.“

For a moment James found it impossible to speak. He'd said those very words to Richard on a dark road in Bolivia once, his voice plaintive and fearful. Richard had stayed with him, and while he'd told him how grateful he was, James had never felt he’d truly demonstrated the depths of that appreciation. The tears were threatening to choke him again, and he had to take several deep breaths to calm himself. “I won't leave you,” he finally replied, his voice barely above a whisper. “But you need to hold on  
You’re going to be rescued soon.”

There was a pause. They could hear Richard laboring to breathe. Sitting in a chair along the far wall. Jeremy dropped his head and hid his face in his hands, trying to hide his tears. Then Richard said, “I'm so tired, James. I want to go to sleep.”

All eyes in the radio room locked onto each other at once. Corporal Taylor shook his head emphatically. “Richard, you need to stay awake,” James replied. “Do you hear me? You need to stay awake for me.” There was a long pause where nothing could be heard  
“Hammond?”James asked. 

Silence. Jeremy and Andy glanced at each other meaningfully. “Richard, come on,” James continued.

Corporal Taylor, who had slipped away to get an update on the helicopter’s arrival, returned. “The chopper is about 10 minutes out,” he said quietly.

James decided to use that information. In a stern voice he said. “Richard, the helicopter is 10 minutes away. You must stay awake. Do you understand? You must do what I say for you to do right now.” There was no response. “Damn it, Richard, answer me!”

They waited. Finally they heard a noise, a faint murmur. Nobody could make out words, but it was clearly a response. Andy, Jeremy, and James breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m afraid you’re not going to get much more of a response,” Corporal Taylor whispered. “Let's just hope you kept him from the brink long enough for the rescue crew to find him before much time has passed.”

“How long can he survive once he goes to sleep?” Andy asked.

“It's hard to say,” Corporal Taylor answered. “It depends on how low his core temperature dropped when they reach him. It can be only a few minutes, though.”

“Could he still hear me, even if he can't reply?” James asked steadily. 

“It’s possible,” Corporal Taylor answered. “I’m not sure. Sometimes people with hypothermia go into a type of suspended animation, sort of like the Tin Man in 'The Wizard of Oz’ after being out in the rain.” 

James sighed. “Rich?” he began softly. “I hope you can hear me... please, Hammond, you have to fight hard. You have to be one of the toughest bastards I’ve ever met, so I know you have it in you. Just hold on, we’re coming to get you. I’ll be there to see you soon.” 

 

Suddenly they could hear various noises on the other end, and voices: “He’s here! Get prepped up there, we’re bringing this one in quickly.” Then the radio cut off.

“They have him,” Corporal Taylor announced. He walked over and clapped James on the shoulder. “I have to admit, James, watching you today, I wasn't sure when you got on the radio that you were going to be able to hold yourself together. I’m impressed. We're still not out of the woods on this, but you at least gave your friend a fighting chance.”

Jeremy stated over at James and nodded. He’d known all along how tough James really was. This was a man who lived with the nickname Captain Slow, but he maxed out a Bugatti Veyron. Twice. A man content to be ignored at times by the powers that be at the BBC or thought of as extraneous, occasionally hearing some marketing research yob suggest dropping him from the show. A man who lives his life the way that he sees fit and if people object for some reason it's none of their damn business anyway. Yes, he’d been thrown by the events and their implications--all of them had--but when the time came to suck it up, he did it. Richard Hammond was known to be the toughest of the lot, but Jeremy could argue his mate James May was just as tough when he had to be.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Richard coming off the mountain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this one. Enjoy.

Chapter 11

 

“James, come on. You need to try to rest,” Jeremy tutted. They had been at the hospital for the better part of 30 hours. Richard had been airlifted with a core temperature of 85 degrees and had been unconscious when he arrived. The decision was made to warm his body internally, but the process was slow-going; warming him too quickly could damage Richard’s organs. So the process was monitor his core temperature, give him a warm IV, wait, then monitor again to see if he maintained the core temperature. Richard's body was responding well, but his core temperature was roughly that of a person deeply asleep. So now they had him in a bed, covered in blankets. And this was where James had planted himself--by Richard's side.

“Not until he wakes up,” James answered softly. “I should be here.”

“You haven't slept in close to two days,” Jeremy argued. “And it's not like you’ve been taking care of yourself for the past several before now. The doctors have said now the danger has passed they're comfortable with letting him sleep. Now, what good would it do for Hammond to wake up and you're half-dead from exhaustion?” 

James yawned. ”Where’s Andy?" he asked.

“Following doctor's orders and having a nap on the couch in the waiting room. He was even worse off than us.” Jeremy sighed. “I'm not supposed to tell you this yet, but Wilman reviewed the footage from Hammond's camera. Mountain Rescue returned everything this morning. Andy said he made his goodbye to everyone, but he’ll leave it up to all of us on whether we view it.” 

James sighed and shook his head. “I might look at it later, when I’m in a better frame of mind... okay, I’ll comply and get in a quick nap.”

“Good,” Jeremy replied. “I’ll text Mindy. She’s been as worried about you as about Hamster.” James started to debate the point, but Jeremy held up his hand. “She has always adored you, and she knows you make him happy,” Jeremy stated. 

James looked down at Richard, brushed a strand of hair away, and softly kissed his forehead. Richard’s skin felt very cool to the touch. “Will you stay with him?” he asked. 

“Yes,” Jeremy answered. “There's a second couch in the waiting room.” 

Jeremy had a seat after James left and stared at Richard. “You better not make a liar out of me and do something bad while James has a nap,” he grumbled. Jeremy had rarely felt so tired and stressed. He knew, at least on an intellectual level, that Richard was going to be okay. Richard was always okay, no matter what; over the years, even with injuries and accidents, divorce and troubles, Hammond was always one of those people who would always end up okay no matter the circumstances. People like that were either lucky or had fathomless wells of internal strength, or both. Richard was both. But knowing that, Jeremy always had a sense of protectiveness toward Richard. Maybe it was Hammond's lack of height, at least from the perspective of someone freakishly tall and towered over him by nearly a foot. Or it was Hammond's youthfulness which made him a bit of a baby brother. Or it was the fact he and Andy had to fight to hire and keep him against BBC executives who were listening too much to marketing research analysts. All Jeremy knew was once again he was sitting by the bedside of a best mate, feeling guilty over not being able to protect him again, and wondering when luck would finally run out.

***

James managed a couple of hours sleep and woke to find Jeremy sleeping on the couch where Andy had been. He walked into Richard's room and saw Andy sitting by the bed. “Is there any change?” he asked. 

“Still out,” Andy answered. “A nurse came in awhile ago and said he was a bit warmer.” There was a pause. “I’m going to get some tea. Would you like some?”

“I’d love some, thank you.” Andy left James alone. He sat by the bed and grinned at Richard. “I’m back,” he said gently. “Jezza made me take a nap and he obviously didn't wake you up. He is a great mate, you know. He feels like shit for leaving you up on there, so when you wake up you need to reassure him about that. Take him for a pint. Or several. Oh bloody hell, who cares about that? I just want you to wake up and get better.” Not for the first time today did James feel his throat tighten as tears blurred his eyes. “We have a future to plan, you know.”

As James was staring at Hammond, a change occurred. Richard's breathing deepened, becoming fuller, his head moved to one side. James smiled. “James…” Richard croaked. James quickly moved to grab a cup of water and a straw. Slowly Richard opened his eyes. He glanced up to James, grinned weakly, and rasped, “Hello, old mam.”

“Hello yourself,” James answered back. He held the straw to Richard and let him take a few sips. “How are you feeling?”

“Terrible.” Richard's voice was a bit clearer from the water but still weak. 

“Yes, well, you have the flu,” James answered, “so you were sick anyway. The good news is that you really took care of yourself up on the mountain. So you still have all your fingers and toes. You won't be comparing battle scars with Sir Rannulph Fiennes.”

Richard sighed, the light in his brown eyes faded slightly. “I thought I was dying,” he said softly. “I picked up the camera and said my goodbyes. Then I had a dream you were talking to me. You told me to hang on, I was going to be rescued soon. I held on as long as I could.”

“I know,” James nodded. “It was enough. They found you just in time.” 

“When can we go home?” Richard asked.

“Impatient,” James replied, amused. “You just regained consciousness from hypothermia five minutes ago. The doctor hasn’t examined you yet.”

“But I want to be home for Christmas,” Richard argued. “I want to be with my girls. And…” he took James' hand in his and caressed the skin with his thumb, “I want to pick up where we left off, of course.”

“First, you have to get well,” James answered, placing his free hand over Richard's hand. “As for us...I’m counting on it.” 

***

Richard stayed in the hospital two extra days to give him time to get over the worst of the flu; thanks to his overall good health and the excellent training he received for the challenge, he managed to avoid any long-term effects of exposure and hypothermia. But as Richard's core temperature got back to normal, the effects of the flu took hold and he spent more time asleep regaining his strength. 

James decided during that time to ask Andy about the video. At first Andy tried to dissuade James from watching it, feeling James might not be able to handle it. But James insisted, so Andy let him see it. Afterward, Andy made James promise to not tell Richard he’d seen it. James was okay with the idea--the video was simply too heart-rending, and if Richard insisted on seeing the video himself now it would be detrimental. Andy promised one day soon, when Richard was better, he’d let Richard see it if he asked. Fortunately for James, Richard had been given medication for the flu that made him sleepy, so James had time to compose himself. Richard never knew the difference. 

Once Richard was released from the hospital James got a hotel room in Vancouver for a couple of days while Andy and Jeremy returned to London. It gave Richard a few more days to recover before going home, and it allowed James to spend some time with Richard alone. He felt they simply needed it.

The room had two beds, which Richard noted with disappointment; knowing James had booked the room himself, Richard knew if he objected, James would simply argue that he was still sick with the flu and they should sleep in separate beds until he was all better. Richard knew that argument was too logical and therefore insurmountable with James. 

As soon as they settled in the room James took Richard into his arms and gave him a firm hug, the first they’d shared in weeks. Richard leaned into it,letting his head drop onto James.

“I nearly lost you,” James whispered, his voice shaky.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Richard answered. 

“What are you apologizing for, you idiot?” James managed to chuckle despite his threat to burst into tears.

Richard stepped back and shrugged. “I don't know,” he answered. “ I guess I’m used to it from the past eight years.”

“Come over here and sit down. I need to say something,” James said gently as he sat on the bed and patted the one opposite him.

“Uh-oh,” Richard muttered as he sat. “I’m not going to like this, am I?”

“Who knows?” James answered. “We’ll see.” He waited until Richard sat and he looked Richard in the eye. “Rich, I nearly lost you, and it really made me look at a few things,” he began. “Like I’m one of the few people in your life who can truly see what you do and know everything behind it. And I should have been remembering that fact when I started having nightmares about this challenge. Instead of trusting that whatever went wrong you would have training and the life experience needed to make it out alive, if at all possible, I reacted out of fear. You shouldn't be apologizing to me, I should be apologizing to you. I’m sorry.”

Richard gave James a lopsided grin. “Thank you,” he stated cheerfully. “But there is no need to apologize to me. I knew you were scared, that's why I kept telling you I was going to be careful, that all the precautions were in place. And if something unexpected happened--which it did--I figured the training I’d received would help me. If not for becoming Ill I probably would have come through all this with flying colors.” He reached over and stroked James' arm. 'Before I left I was whingeing about how I thought nobody would be happy unless I encased myself in bubble wrap. But you know what? I’d rather have you and everyone else worry over me than not It won't stop me from doing what I’m paid to do, but I’m going to try and appreciate it more.”

“That's good,” James smiled at him. “But there is something else I needed to tell you.” Richard cocked an eyebrow. “If you remember, before you left we were discussing what would be next for our relationship, and I said I wasn't ready to make my private life public. I’ve been thinking about things and all I know is that I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Whether that means we get married, or we announce it to the entire world, or we just live together and we tell the world we’re just bachelors sharing, it doesn't matter as long as I have you.”

Richard stared at James, his eyes large and soft. “It's funny you should say that,” he whispered. “I did as you asked, and at night I thought things over. And the only conclusion I could reach was I want to be with you for the rest of my life, and it really doesn't matter anymore how that happens. I love you.”

“God, Rich, I love you, too.” James dropped to his knees in front of Richard, staring up into his face. “You tell me that you belong to me, but I belong to you just as much. And I don't want to belong to any other.” Too moved to speak, all Richard could do was hold James close. And for the next two days they held each other close. And they slept. And laughed. And recalled all their time together, celebrating themselves being a couple. 

It was the way it was before.

It was the way they always hoped it would be.


	12. EPILOGUE

James opened his eyes and immediately regretted it. He felt half-dead. No, he told himself--death would be an improvement. His room was dark, blinds drawn and drapes closed. And while he was asleep Richard had managed to prop him up with several pillows without waking him.

Of course he would have to catch the flu just before Christmas. And he caught it from Richard. Clarkson will never let him hear the end of that. Still, those two days in that hotel in Vancouver had been worth it. True joy had been the result of those two days, joy he still felt nearly two weeks later, in spite of feeling like he’d been hit all over by a sledgehammer.

James closed his eyes in hopes there was still enough Night Nurse in his system to let him drift back to sleep. He hated Night Nurse, finding it the second-foulest tasting substance he’d ever encountered; the foulest was discovered during an early shoot in America when he tasted Velveeta cheese. At the moment, though, Night Nurse was a necessary evil to help him rest, so he was enduring it. 

As he was giving up on the Night Nurse continuing his sleep, he heard Richard's light but firm steps approaching. When James opened his eyes he saw Richard was carrying a tray with plenty of items, which he placed on a swiveling table, similar to one found in a hospital; where Richard had found this thing, James didn’t know. He found it perfect. 

“Are you thirsty?” Richard asked, sitting on the bed. James nodded weakly. Grabbing a bottle of water, Richard lifted James' head off the pillow and let him have a drink, then lowered him back down slowly; it amazed James to see how truly gentle Richard could be at times, but then again, Richard had lots of experience tending to sick children and sick animals. Richard felt James' forehead. “You're a little sweaty,” he reported. “Maybe the Tamiflu is starting to work and dropped your fever a bit.” He took the thermometer and placed it under James' arm.

“I feel terrible,” James whispered.

“You poor, sick old man,” Richard whispered, affectionately stroking his cheek. “Andy cancelled tomorrow’s taping, he has the flu himself. Apparently the vaccine doesn’t work this year.” The thermometer beeped and he took a look. “You're down to 38.3,” he reported. 

“Wonderful,” James replied. “I’ve dropped one degree.”

“At least it dropped,” Richard answered. He put the thermometer on the tray and grabbed a bottle of pills. “It's time to take the Tamiflu.” James opened his mouth obediently and Richard placed the pill on his tongue. This was followed by some water, but instead of lowering James back to the pillow, Richard grabbed a tea towel and placed it over James' upper chest. “I have some broth for you,” he offered.

“I'm afraid I'm not hungry,” James whispered.

“You need to eat anyway,” Richard countered. “It will help you to get well. And I certainly want you to get well. There are plenty of things I’d like to do with you, many of them in this bed, and we can't do them until you get your strength back. Come on, just a few sips, okay?”

Richard managed to get James to drink about half the broth I'm the mug before James feebly waved him off. Richard didn't argue--James was in the same state he’d been not too long ago, and he could tell James was getting tired. “You did well,” he answered as he placed the mug on the tray and took the tea towel off him. “It’s another hour or so before you can have any more Night Nurse, but you'll probably fall asleep on your own for awhile. Is there anything you want me to bring you?” James shook his head. “Right, I’ll check on you in awhile, but if you need anything just text. I’ll be downstairs.”

Richard started to leave, but James reached up and took his hand. “You’ve done a great job taking care of me,” he said.

Richard smiled gently. “'In sickness and in health’, remember?”

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is finished at last. As I sit and listen to the 2nd movement of the J.C. Bach piano concerto that got me through the posting, I want to say thanks to all of you for being patient. I have another story waiting, but it's epic in scale--two notebooks, and a couple of one-offs so stay tuned.


End file.
